I think back to when I was going through Chemo & Radiation. People use to be shocked at my appearance when I was sick. The only way you could tell I was sick was by my head. I was bald & I wore a scarf. You could see I was bald by the bottom of the scarf. Some days I just looked tired, but all in all, I looked normal. I didn't realize this until later. I didn't lose weight. I gained due to the steroid. I gained 9 lbs. I looked healthy. I felt like crap a lot, but I didn't look like it. I remember how my grandfather, grandmother & father looked when they had Cancer. I thought I was going to look like that. I expected the worse at first. I remember Praying so much & listening to other people who had gone through what I was enduring. I said if God did it for them, he can do the same for me. I looked a Chemo like the killer of the Cancer in my chest & I had to take it. I would sit & look around the room at all the people. I was the youngest person in the room. I was 37 at that time. Everyone in there getting Chemo was really older. We all were bald & looked tired. That was so depressing for me. I use to ask to lay in the private suite to get my Chemo. I was there 2 days every 3 weeks. I would be there from 10Am-2:30PM getting poison pumped in my body. I would people watch. I just looked at everyone & would wonder what was their story & what kind of Cancer they had & say a silent Prayer for each person. They wrap you up in a bunch of blankets & you can watch tv, read or just sleep. I couldn't concentrate to watch TV. I just Prayed & meditated. I remember this person said to me, use the power of your mind to beat this with Prayer. What you believe & think is what you get. You want to live, think & see yourself well. That's what I would do. I had my sad moments, don't get me wrong. I'm not perfect. I saw myself well. When I would go for my check-ups during that time, my Doctor was amazed at how I was doing. He said he had never had a patient who didn't look sick during this process. God was the reason. I thought I looked sickly. My friend & husband would say to me, you don't know how good you look considering what you're going through. I remember when I completed Chemo. I was so emotional! I didn't think it would ever end & I made it! I had to started Radiation & the 1st 2 weeks you feel fine. I was like I got this. They said on the 3rd week, you're body will crash & you will be so week. Boy oh boy, they didn't lie! I was so exhausted! I couldn't even stand for too long. My husband had to help me walk & Radiation made me so emotional. I would cry the whole way home from the hospital. I couldn't believe how I felt & why. I would go Mon-Fri for 4 weeks. The Radiation treatment would last maybe 10 mins. It takes so much out of you. Thurs I would get a burst of energy, so I would go dressed nice, because I felt good. That made me feel good! I kept saying I can do this. This to shall pass! God is able. I know I slept a lot during that time. I listened to Healing CD's & that was amazing. It got in my head & I would recite the scriptures in my sleep. I had to do mind over matter. I fought tooth & nail with mind power with Prayer. I Pray for people who are just beginning this journey & I Pray for strength & belief in God that he can heal. My friend had to say you can beat this. She saw the pain I endured. I can't explain it, but I will never forget it. I'm so glad it's over & I speak health into my life. I don't speak illness. That's the power of the mind. If you want a healing, speak it & believe it! Don't ever give up on God & your mind power. God is a healer! Love to all! ;)
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