Confronting the past

     I called my mother & told her I forgive her. I asked her so many questions about why this, why that. She was a little defensive at first. I put her at ease & said this is not an attack. I need to heal & let go of the past. I told her I understand what happened to you wounded you & hurt people, hurt other people. I said I was sorry for what happened to her, but I need closure. I said a simple I'm sorry will help me! She listened for awhile & went on to say she's a survivor & a strong person, etc. I said why did you abuse alcohol. She said she enjoyed it & I said you used it to numb the pain & that's fine whether you believe it or not. I told her I hated her for years & I'm done with that. I said I appreciate the fact that you called when my father died & kept calling when I was going through my Cancer treatments. I said I wasn't ready to see you 3 years ago, but I'm ready to now. We can take baby steps. I also asked her to talk to all her children & apologize for the things she did. It was good for me to say how I felt & for her to hear this. I gave her something to think about. I hope she heard me. I did my part & I feel GREAT! Thank you Lord for showing me the light & letting go of my anger. To moving forward! I realized at one point that my mother was 22 with 6 kids at the time. She was a wounded baby with kids. Wow! My mother had 9 kids by age 36. She needed to heal before having kids & she didn't, so how could she have been a good mother. I get that. I won't go into details on what happened to her, but it was too terrible to process. I Pray for her that one day she finds peace & forgiveness in herself. I'm 40 & she's 57. Lord be with her! Love to all! ;)